The Awakening

by Yul Anjelo Bello (I-Mars)


I was about five years old when I first set foot in a school building. I hated the feeling - I hated everything that took me away from home, my bed, my feeding bottles and the television. For me, those things were my refuge, my happiness and I did not want to be away from them for too long.

On that cloudy afternoon, I was about to have an interview for kindergarten pupils. "Oh my God, why am I here? What am I doing here?" I felt lost and saw the teacher as some kind of a monster. The result...I flunked. I was happy...I will not study in school yet. I was back to the comfort of home, my bed, my feeding bottles, and the television.

The next thing that my mother did was to bring me to another school, this time, equipped with school uniform, school bag, and lunch box. I felt weird, but I was assured that my mom would be with me in school. That was great...we played, we sang, we prayed, we ate, but after a week of playing and getting-to-know-you activities we settled down to formal lessons. I panicked, what should I do? I hated these things even if my mom was around. Then it was my father's turn to bring me to school. He left...I ran after him...my teacher ran after me, and boy, it was raining hard. We were all soaking wet. I was brought home with all the spanking and hurting words I received from my parents, especially from my dad. It became a daily routine for us...I was always brought to school, but every time my dad left to go home he always had to bring me back with him. I was always spanked, scolded and punished for not going to school. I felt like those children being abused by their parents. It lasted for a month and they finally gave up. I was back to my routine...the secured feeling of being at home.

When I turned six years old, I was brought to another school. My mom paid the tuition fee in full. I stayed for a week. Fortunately, my mom was able to reimburse the whole amount that she paid for my tuition including the miscellaneous fees. I really did not know what was in the home that I did not want to leave, and I did not know what was in school that I hate. Maybe it was the security that I feel at home and the feeling of being a stranger among many unknown faces of pupils in school that I hate.


My mom consulted her friends...the principal in BUCELS, guidance counselors, kindergarten teachers and everyone who cared to listen to her problem...her youngest child did not want to go to school unlike her first two children. Is her son abnormal? Maybe my mom got the answers to her question that she let me be...she did not nag me about school and so I thought she forgot the whole episode.


Then as fate would have it, one night while watching television beside my mom who was reading the newspaper at that time, I happened to look and saw a picture of two children in well-pressed school uniform, with school bags and lunch boxes. Then i said to myself, I want to be like them. I want to go to school and be like those children. They looked so happy so I thought maybe school is fun.


The awakening happened when I turned seven years old, I was ready to go to school. I told my parents but they did not believe me at first. They thought I was joking. That picture of two children in school uniform set me free...my attachment to home was lessened, I was a child being weaned from his mother, I was ready to conquer my fears. When I went to school, I felt the energy surged into me then I realized what a beautiful experience it is to be able to learn, gain friends and be in a different setting aside from home. For the first time in my life, I felt the true meaning of parental love. They wanted me to study so that I will be my own man someday, without my parents standing behind me, in front of me or beside me. Just me and the world.